To my future self

To Future Rebecca,

How’s life? We got good GCSES’s? Managed to have our first boyfriend yet? (yeah, I know it seems unlikely too) Let’s hope I’m still mature and kind, not too stressed!

And stop mothering your friends, live a little. At the time I’m writing this my birthday is in 39 days (not counting or anything) and will be 15. What? Where did those years go?! I’ll be driving, drinking, flying… thinking about uni. All these burning questions. Yet still be HAPPY! Keep your closest friends near they’re pretty damn awesome. Don’t forget about your family, put your social media on hold a second. 

Be bright. Be happy. Be you.  I ramble on, yet I hope I still love writing.

See you in a few years,

Rebecca xx

The above letter I penned to myself, signed and sealed on the 30thAugust 2016 – I then opened it this summer on the 30th August 2018. Now a whole new year again – 2019 and I can gladly say things are on the up again – I just have a feeling about it. 

It’s strange, isn’t it? To look back at our younger selves and to feel that a version of yourself can be so distant and unfamiliar, when that person couldn’t be more you than you, and at one point was the version of you. And someday in the future, you’ll look back and feel exactly the same way about who you are now. 

Even though we change as we grow, I guess many of us never really change on the innermost level, we simply develop and adapt different layers and perspectives upon things. We become a different version of ourselves, hopefully for the better. 

So almost 15-year-old me (as we were kindly informed) was full of questions and cringe worthy, cliché quotes. But amidst this was a nervous and unsure young woman – young me was content with life yet always knew there was a gap missing, a void. Perhaps the gap was uncertainty, anticipation for what I knew inevitably came next, or the fact that my relationships that I built up were slowly crumbling away. I wanted to be more certain of my future, not just my career and university but of new experiences and relationships. And yes – that is a lot for a 15-year-old to think about, but I like to plan! 

Just for clarity and peace of mind, the answers for the questions I asked myself:

  • I did get great GSCE’s
  • I currently have a boyfriend (he’s super cute!)
  • There are many opportunities on the horizon helping me to achieve my academic ambitions. 

But really the question I forgot to ask was: Are you happy? Of course, a lot of things I just mentioned greatly amount/amounted to my happiness, but are you comfortable with yourself? Are you confident in your own abilities and body? 

These questions are not easily answered and still at 17, I am not sure I have the definitive answers, but I’m getting there, and progress is progress whether slow or not. Important questions are meant to be asked over and over again because there a million ways to answer a question, and you never know when you’ll stumble upon a new or interesting one, and how it might fundamentally change you. 

So, this blog post is almost another time capsule. To more adventures and experiences… 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s